We hear a lot about women in the past being strong-armed out of their newborns by social workers, adoption agencies, doctors, clergy, disgruntled grandparents, and lawyers. Such thuggery is, in theory, a thing of the past and frowned upon today since it doesn’t fit the warm and fuzzy “gift of adoption” narrative that caring “adoption professionals” like to pander.
Today, the strong-arm has been replaced by the soft shoulder: the duping of vulnerable women (and sometimes men), out of their children through industry constructed “rationalization,” “empathy,” and “caring” techniques framed as self-empowerment, selflessness, and a weird kind of motherly generosity. That is, giving your kid up for adoption is kinda feelgood. The old white feminist line about helping other women become mothers. Sisterhood is powerful!
Oh! And guilt! How could you hurt that lovely, loving waiting couple by keeping your child.
Usually the agents of family discord and divide spewing this incredible line do their dirty work behind closed doors while showing their smiley faces to the public and their pap clients who want to believe that the adoption process is as pristine as a baby’s soul. In practical terms, not even the most avaricious adoption industrialist wants to be seen as a greedy child grabber, especially in this day of perpetual adoption scandals, lawsuits, and agency shut downs..
But meet Lauren Feingold, Esq. who runs a “boutique adoption practice” in Palm Beach Gardens, Florida. She limits her practice to a few clients a year, and she doesn’t care what you think of her.
Feingold’s webpage:assures paps that her manipulative strategies all but guarantee that “birthmothers” won’t change their minds and selfishly pull their kids–or rather paps’ kids– from the adoption spammer.. Really, how could they with all the “bonding” going on
I’m tempted to highlight the most audacious parts of her strategy statement posted below, but that would mean highlighting the entire statement. Instead I’l let you pick and chose your own favorite offense. My favorite is the bonding process between mom and adoptive parents. If they bond hard enough, will lthey adopt mom, too?
Dear Adoptive Parents:
As you know, one of the most difficult aspects of private placement adoption is the fact that birth mothers can change their minds after the birth of the baby. To overcome this hurdle, Lauren Feingold, Esq and her staff do everything possible to strengthen the birth mother’s level of commitment. Lauren and her staff use various strategies to emphasize the miracle of adoption to birth mothers not only in the beginning of the process but throughout their entire journey. Social work/counseling, bonding with the family, and close contact and hand-holding during pregnancy buttress the birth mother’s convinction that her original decision was not only correct, but self-less and admirable
Each of the four birth mothers who recently placed their babies for adoption benefited from daily communication with their social worker. The licensed clinical social worker focused her counseling on assisting the birth mother in processing her grief prior to the placement in the way that was the most comfortable for her. The social worker also aided them to further understand their own personal reasons for placing their babies for adoption. During those critical moments when their emotions were intense both immediately prior to birth and after the birth, the social worker helped the birth mother to validate their personal reasons for placing for adoption and assisted them in remaining focused on the Intended Adoption Plan they had formed with the adoptive family.
Further strategies were utilized with each of these women. Lauren happily and humbly prides herself on these strategies, including the strategy that allows each woman to bond with her chosen adoptive family during her pregnancy. Each woman bonded successfully through the help of communication with the adoptive family through text, telephone, and in-person meetings. The birth moms got to know, understand, and value their chosen adoptive families. This bonding enabled them to feel that their unplanned pregnancies were indeed purposeful. Moreover, the bonding enabled the birth mothers to feel that by placing for adoption, they were fulfilling G-d’s plan to place their babies with these incredible families. Furthermore, as a result of the communication facilitated by Lauren and her team the birth mothers were able to feel a sense of peace about their decisions to place for adoption, as well as a peace about the adoptive families who had found their way into these mother’s hearts.
Finally, Lauren and her staff provided the birth mother with constant hand-holding and care. Lauren and her staff made themselves available to these women to talk on the phone daily, monitor their comfort levels, assess their needs, and provide emotional support for their mental well-being. Lauren was also there to constantly remind these selfless and courageous women that their decisions to place for adoption and the care and love they were showing their babies was nothing short of miraculous.
Conclusively, all of the above strategies, and, of course, G-d’s hand, contributed to the successful outcome of these placements. Lauren encourages her waiting adoptive families to know and feel in their hearts that their babies are on their way!
Of course, all this hovering and clucking is unethical, and in some states would be illegal. Lawyers in Massachusetts, for instance, can’t do placements. Not that bad things can’t and don’t happen there, but the state has at least put a modicum of effort into its adoption practices to keep them on the up and up. But we’re speaking of Florida now, one of the largest adoption mills in the country.
As for directed counseling…
I suppose we should be grateful to Attorney Feingold for baring her guts to expose baby grabbing slight of hand. Who could reject the caring touch of Lauren Feingold and her team of cleptos? Especially when they are being led by G-d. How much do you want to bet the hover in the delivery room?
Feingold’s self-described “boutique practice reeks of elitism and class privilege. For those less upscale folks that cross her doorstep, however, she offers financial assistance, payment plans, fundraising and grant help. Couldn’t that money be used to help women keep their children?
But I digress!
For detailed instructions on how to grab a baby read The Missing Piece: Adoption Counseling in Pregnancy Resource Centers and here.)
Addenda: I”m not sure how we could trust anyone who quotes Jimi Hendrix in English and Spanish, but refers to him as “Jimmy”.
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Exquisite, Marley. The wolf in sheep’s clothing slowly undressed.
Palm beach county, my home!!! I was privileged to be manipulated, I mean, cared for my a huge adoption, Christian, agency GIANT, Bethany Christian services, worldwide, but for me, based out of Orlando. My couselor told me she would, and did, “both, immediately prior to birth and after the birth, the social worker helped the birth mother to validate their personal reasons for placing for adoption and assisted them in remaining focused on the Intended Adoption Plan they had formed with the adoptive family.”!!! I was also told how, “they would experience loss again, that they were up all night worrying I wouldn’t sign,” because of didn’t want to, and that “they were feeling guilty over taking my baby from me”!!! Whaaaaaaat?? Guilty, hell, the only guilt was the trip they put on me…. these people refused to give me the openness I begged for, after signing, because somehow I was given two “good faith agreements”, neither with full openness I asked for!!!!! They quickly slammed the door, in my face, after I poured my soul, cautiously and carefully, walking on eggshells, to them!!!!! They copy and pasted the semi open agreement, in my face after apologizing, “we’re sorry but, this is all we feel comfortable doing”!!!! They aren’t guilt over shiiiiii?!! They faked that openness I so often spoke of, up until they got her…. Nothing has changed, Is the truth, I am proof that these people are still liars, theives and far from G-dly people!!!!
I can’t help but wonder who she thinks her client is in this process, or, more alarmingly, who the pregnant woman thinks her lawyer is.
Good piece, Marley!
I am Lauren Feingold. I do not even know who any of these people are but I can honestly say in all of my 12 plus years of doing solely private placement adoptions, I have never strong armed any birth parent. In fact, quite the opposite, I emphasize that it’s the birth parents decision up until the moment they sign and also tell them that if they change their minds, it’s okay. I have actually encouraged birth parents to parent when it’s clearly what they desire.. so if you want the true facts on the experience Birth Mins have when they work with me, talk to ACTUAL birth families who have worked with me, many of them repeatedly when they get pregnant again.