Below and Beyond Offensive: Gotcha Day book review

Gotcha Day, the perverse label given by clueless adopters to the day they received their Bundle of Joy, is universally considered offensive by all but the most blindly entitled inhabitants of AdoptionLand..  Now there’s a book by the same name:  Gotcha Day: a Celebration of Adoption. Some of us have been posting 1-star ratings of the book on  I just posted mine:

 This book is below and beyond offensive.  Gotcha is something you say when you catch a pesky mouse or stomp on a cockroach that been running across your kitchen floor for the past week..  It is not a term that should be used to “celebrate” adoption or the “gotten” adoptee. I understand why people would want to commemorate the day, but Gotcha is obscene. 

If I could give it less than one star, I would.

Full disclosure.  My adoptive parents used to commemorate the day I was placed with them.  It was known as Betsy Day (that’s the name I went by most of my life–nothing wrong with the name, but it’s not me, and I reverted to Marley, derived from my original name, Marlene).

Betsy Day was  low key-not  Gotcha!  I cannot imagine either of my parents (or my Mama Dot who later adopted 2 kids) using the creepy term or exhibiting Gotcha mentality.. Of course, I was adopted at a time when adoption wasn’t considered an entitlement due the exburban set.   Since I was placed just before Christmas I got a sort of pre-Christmas gift or two which was nice.  When I got older, my mom never forgot, and I always got a check in the mail. At no time in my life did I feel like I’d been swooped up in a butterfly net,  scruntched in a mouse trap, or caught by the paparazzi. . I feel very sorry for today’s Class Bastard, who not only are denied their identities and OBCs,  but  the simple recognition of their humanity.

Gotcha Day – Adoption Porn

4 Replies to “Below and Beyond Offensive: Gotcha Day book review”

  1. OK – maybe I was one of the clueless PAPs long ago.

    We had a party in the hotel next to the courthouse on the day the judge made it official. We wanted to celebrate the new addition(s) to our family and we invited our family and close friends. We weren’t celebrating the loss of our children’s biological family. There were no fist pumps because someone signed relinquishment papers. Our children had been in foster care for several years and parental rights were terminated long before the day we first met them. So my question is… is this something we weren’t supposed to celebrate? Maybe the term “Gothcha Day” is offensive to some, but what would you call it instead that would take the “sting” out of it.

    Sometimes I think political correctness has over run adoption speak much like any other institution. It’s not so much the actual terminology, but the sentiment behind the event that’s important.

    Years later when our adult adopted children reunified with their biological parents, we hosted (with their participation and permission)another similar type celebration. Perhaps we should have called that “Gotcha Back Day”.

  2. “Family day” is how we celebrated in our home. I too hated the term “gotcha day”. It always reminded me of a story told in my youth of someone sneaking up, scaring someone and yelling “gotcha”.

  3. “Family day” is how we celebrated in our home. I too hated the term “gotcha day”. It always reminded me of a story told in my youth of someone sneaking up, scaring someone and yelling “gotcha”.

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