Welcome Back, Triona! Some Wise Words from 73 Adoptee

Yay! 73adoptee73 is back.  She’s come out of retirement–at least a little bit–to write on the Feigenholtz-Mitchell scam in Illinois.  She also gives us her analysis of AdoptionLand and why she has reassessed her role as a activist. I wholeheartedly agree with her on both counts.  . Honestly ,why do any of us continue with this–well–shit in our lives. It’s great to have Triona back, but she’s got a sobering message with 73adoptee Returns! But Nobody is Coming Back for Left Behind Illinois Adoptees.

Two different topics covered, yet tightly related.

First, on the glad-handing in Illinois where the seller-outs refuse to admit they sold out:

Illinois is not open. Illinois is sort-of open to adoptees who unwittingly end up playing roulette with their own rights. Some will win. Some will inevitably lose.

I’m on the losing team, so I know how it feels. Everybody’s celebrating and they’ve forgotten you. Or, if they remember, it’s to slap you on the back and say, “better luck next time” before they go off to congratulate the winners. But adoption isn’t football. There’s only one game, the Adoption Game, and if you make a mistake you don’t get a do-over. I remain disgruntled with pretty much everybody across the adoption spectrum: the bureaucrats who pat me on the head; the politicians who care more about their own power than their responsibility to help others; the deformers who think compromise is victory.
and on activism:
I debated long and hard as to whether or not I wanted to continue adoption reform at all. It’s not what you’d call “fun.” It involves public speaking, private introspection, misjudgments from all sides, stress, and lack of personal life. You become an involuntary spokesperson for all of adopteekind (and, if you’re a transracial adoptee, often for your entire race as well). Everything is difficult because not only are you trying to write letters and convince lawmakers and wrap your head around legislation, you’re reminded EVERY SINGLE MOMENT of your own adoption baggage because it’s why you’re doing this in the first place.
Triona includes a list of what works and what does.  Sing it! 
Unless they’ve done it themselves, I don’t  think anyone has a true picture of the psychologically and at times physically debilitating work we do. Burnout is the logical conclusion. We lose relationships, friends, jobs, income, a healthy perspective on life in general.  It is a life without dreams; a life without a future

We become obsessed with our work.  The hardcore enemy,–the professional lobbyists, the trade industries, and collate rials (such as the ACLU and anti-abortion groups)–get paid good money to advocate against something they have no personal stake in. For them, it’s just a job.  For us, it’s our lives. As for the soft enemy, the deformers, whom I consider much more insidious because the take the trust of the newbies and unaculturated–anything goes. Any incremental change, despite history, is framed as a victory and the left-behinds remain left behind without even the comfort of a desert island.  Tough luck, sucker!. Does anyone seriously believe that Sneaky Sara Feigenholz and Melisha Richelileu Mitchell will do a thing to open records for people like Triona? The deal is done.  Take that, you selfish twats. Rejoice in the  privilege or others.

I’ll be writing more about Illinois when I’m feeling better, which should start tomorrow.  Though I’m no longer “sick,” I feel like I got punched in the stomach.  Probably due to falling flat on face on the sidewalk Sunday  In the meantime I’m going to bed and curling up with The Education of Henry Adams to try to regain some balance–in more ways than one!.

One Reply to “Welcome Back, Triona! Some Wise Words from 73 Adoptee”

  1. Thanks for your post. You’re absolutely right that the work of reform can be physically as well as mentally debilitating. But what do we do, give up when there’s such obvious bullshit like Illinois going on? While everyone’s busy cheering, may I point out that in truth they really have no idea how to implement this legislation? They’re winging it, with our rights. Lovely.

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