"THE ORGANS YOU NEED–THE HOMES THEY DESERVE ": Send-up Falls Flat on Emotionally Fragile Adoption Industrialists

A couple weeks ago the Medical Adoptions.com page hit our radar. Astute bastards and their fellow travelers recognized immediately that Medical Adoptions: The Organs You Need–The Homes They Deserve– is a perfect piece of high adoption satire a la Jonathan Swift (who lots of people didn’t get either).

Bastardette laughed so hard she nearly fell out of her bed of bronchial affliction when she read the mission statement of Medical Adoptions (note the WASPy female child):

We are a domestic and international adoption agency where parents are free to adopt a child who is a perfect match (up to 18 yrs) for the transplant of one or more “non-essential” organs to be donated to one of the adopting parents or your own children. Your new son or daughter would give you their heart, if it was possible, but a lung, eye or three feet of intestine might be enough to prove that love.

Bastardette cannot convey the perfectness of Medical Adoptions. I mean this is the ultimate “angel” agency where’s God’s gift –a kid and a kidney– await you. Talk about twofers!

You must browse the whole page, but here’s some samples:

Profile page: (Warning! I have already put in my order for Kristof Gorbodon, so watch it!

Services: We also insure that all clients who utilize our service enjoy the highest level of privacy and personal identity security. We’ve endured three audits from government agencies already, and we’ve never yet disclosed any names of any clients. That’s a thing that really makes us different. Much like your local library, we routinely destroy old documents, as to insure that no matter what happens in terms of court orders or overnight raids, your data is secure, and that your adoption will not come back to haunt you. After all, you’ve done nothing wrong, and you know this, but privacy is an inalienable right, and we take tremendous measures to insure that you’ll remain as anonymous as we know you may need to be.

Let’s not forget endorsements (front page, right column) : “My husband and I can’t have a child of our own any more than he could grow a new gal bladder, but since his spleen was already gone, our options were limited. A friend recommended this company, and within just two months we had a loving baby to fix our lives forever.” Dory J. – Aspen, Colorado.

Not surprisingly, truth-in-adoption is way too much for emotionally fragile $$$grubbers whose crocidille tears gush forth when adoptaprop turns on them. Some from the professional adoption class have reported the page to “authorities” and demanded it be taken down. Can jail be far behind? But then nobody ever said that free speech is a tenet of the adoption trade. Just ask any object of adoption (bastard, first parent or adopter) whose only right is to be grateful.

Of course, nobody cares what bastards and adoptees–those beneficiaries of agency care and concern–have to say about the whole thing anyway. Every bastardly comment I’ve read so far has been highly complimentary–even envious of the anonymous 21st century pamphleteer in our midst. But then, adoptees aren’t disconnected from reality–only their roots. Imagine! Why, whoever heard of adoption as a cure for infertility? Adoptees as spare parts? NEVER!

It’s always fun when the industry gets skewered on its on petard, Even more fun when they don’t even know it. I can’t wait for do-gooders at NCFA and their arch enemies at the Donaldson to weigh in on how Medical Adoptions will destroy adoption. That is, what’s left of adoption after Who’s Your Daddy?, the Middletown Doll Company Newborn Adoption Nurseries, and Anne of Green Gables has rutted up their sandbox. Can there be much left?

By the way, where’s Masha?

11 Replies to “"THE ORGANS YOU NEED–THE HOMES THEY DESERVE ": Send-up Falls Flat on Emotionally Fragile Adoption Industrialists”

  1. I too found it hilarious, and caught on that it was satire after reading about 3 lines. What kind of moron would take it seriously and get offended?

    Congrats to whoever put up this brilliant piece of dark humour, and I sure hope the FBI has better things to do than go after satirists! Bad stuff like much of international for-profit adoption deserves to be mocked.

    People who have no sense of humour are dangerous.

  2. I love Jonathan Swift and all the satirists becasue the noses that most need to be tweeked and toes most needed to be stepped on are institutional and religious ones. I commend the author of this article to the degree of its “Swiftness.”

    It is a very sad commentary that the purveyors of adoptionland orthodoxy had such a hissy fit about this article. Perhaps it hit too close to home. Why? It has already been reported by the media that more than one set of parents with a “natural” child who was either born with a birth defect or developed a life-threatening disease who had not planned to have additional children became pregnant again so they could use the new child’s bone marrow or other spare parts to “heal” their afflicted child.

    I understand that parents faced with a child that will have a life-long disability or the death of that child will do anything possible to restore their child to full health. However, I wonder what the life of the “spare parts” child will be like?

    I ask this question becasue the same question has been asked about the adoptee as “replacement child” for a natural child lost to death either by disease, disability, or accident. This is a persoanl question to me becasue my amom’s only child was killed by a hit and run driver when she was thirteen.

    The death of her child among other factors led to the divorce between her and her first husband. She subsequently married my adad who also had a daughter by his first wife. However, my amom demanded that my adad have no contact with his daughter or exwife as a condition of their marriage.

    So, that left them childless as my amom could no longer have children. As my aparents were two generations older than me they were not allowed to adopt through an agency but found an attorney who honchoed the deed.

    While I am sure they both wanted to raise a child together and that I was deeply loved, it was a an unhealthy love on the part of my amom. In short, she tried to control every aspect of my life to “protect” me as she so often said. In retrospect, I am convinced she felt compelled to raise me this way as a consequence of her daughter’s death becasue for two weeks pre and post her daughter’s birth day and date of death she became severly depressed.

    That said, is it such a stretch to think that down the road and perhaps already on the drawing boards of adoption agencies and attorneys are plans for “spare parts” adoptees?

  3. The FBI! That’s so funny it’s adorable.

    The Middleton Doll Company. How could I forget? I wrote a piece about it. But apparently it was too rude for publication.

    Here it is:

    Adam Pertmans milquetoast protestations to Saks Inc. and the FAO Schwarz execs whose stores are hosting the Middleton Doll company’s barfworthy Newborn Nursery Adoption Centres, fell on indifferent ears.

    And no wonder. It was a masterpiece of avoidance.
    A spokesperson for FAO Schwartz responded to Pertman’s all too temperate criticisms with sweet reason. “People are entitled to their opinions,” she shrugged.

    A little more conviction and a lot more specificity on Pertman’s part would have gone a long way towards giving those opinions the kind of moral heft the Evan B. Donaldson Institute should have wielded. But to have upped the anti by demonstrating that kind of conviction would have put Mr. Pertman in the uncomfortable position of having to acknowledge that, distasteful as this campaign is, it reflects certain equally unpleasant realities.

    As Orwell said, “To see what is front of our noses takes a constant struggle”. What stares us in the face here is the undeniable truth that adoption is big business. This is no “antiquated perception”. It is indisputable fact.

    The essence of the market commodity is that it is transferable, exchangable for its price. As anyone who understands anything about child development knows, children learn through imitation. The Middleton “adoption experience” creates a total immersion situation that instructs children in the joys of baby buying.

    The big bucks start here.
    In this, the best of all possible adoption experiences, there are no yucky bio parents to spoil things, no messy history to pre-date the purchase of these biologically neutered sprogs.

    It’s the ultimate triumph of mart over nature.

  4. Bravo, Kippa!!!!!!!
    Certainly I would have published your piece on the Middleton Doll Co. Standing ovation for you!
    Janet Allen

  5. “The Middleton “adoption experience” creates a total immersion situation that instructs children in the joys of baby buying.”

    Did any of you catch the radio program This American Life (NPR) a few weeks ago? They had a segment written and narrated by a woman who worked in a Middleton Adoption Center in FAO Schwartz. She described how the white baby dolls sold out almost immediately, then the Asian and Latino baby dolls, leaving the Adoption Center awash in African-American, “hard to place”, baby dolls… Except for one white baby, a display model that had manufacturer defects: a floppy head and flippered fingers. It’s worth a listen …

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