Here it is more than half-way through National Adoption Awareness Month and Bastardette hasn’t even commented on this exciting celebration we hold dear to our hearts. I mean, how many other politically deprived classes get their own government sponsored month where they are told how lucky they to be disenfranchised? Only us bastards. And as a bonus we get a scolding (Bastardette, Nov. 20) from adoption hack Aaron Brivan! (Would African Americans be lectured by Strom Thurmond during Black History Month?–Oh never mind!)

The other day on BEST (the Bastard Nation list) we were discussing the erasure of “us” from “our” month when resident Bastard theologian Fr. Jack Sweely wrote:

> I saw a commercial last night for a new series to start soon on the
> Hallmark Channel. From what I gather it will highlight the warm fuzzies of
> adoption one story per week compete with the gurgling Gerber Baby and amom
> who “felt” her non-pregnancy pregnancy as she waited for “God’s gift.” My
> guess is this series will be about as close to representing the reality of
> adoption as is the Easter Bunnie representing Easter.

Now, not to mix holidays (or is that metaphors?), but resident bmom poet and sometime lyricist, Mary Ann Cohen responded that our month simply needed a theme song to get us rolling, and proceeded to furnish us with one–gratis. And a highly appropriate one it is, in view of Britvan’s attack on adoptees

(To the tune of “Peter Cottontail”)


Here comes Lawyer Rottentail
Hopping down the Bastard trail
Hippity Hoppity ‘doption’s on its way

Selling every girl and boy
To folks who can pay with joy
Money back if your kid grows up gay.

There’s a brand new name for Johnny
A new ethnic group for Sue
And their OBC is sealed so tight
That they’ll never have a clue! Oh….

Here comes Lawyer Rottentail
Hopping down the Bastard trail
Hippity Hoppity ‘doption’s on its way

Every kid’s a grateful soul
Fits right into his new role
Never, ever asks from whence he came

There’s a picket fence and pony,
And the sky is always blue
God drops babies down from Heaven
We SWEAR that this is true! Oh…..

Here comes Lawyer Rottentail
Hopping down the Bastard trail
Hippity Hoppity ‘doption’s on its way


  1. OMG!
    If I can stop laughing so hysterically so tears stop streaming down my face long enough so I can type…then I could say that that is trully the most EVIL bunny face I have ever seen….and I’m scared, but it’s so funny…

    and then I am scared, because the song is so true…

  2. Glad you enjoyed it, Fauxclaud. I too was scared by the evilest bunny ever. Bastardette comes up with the best illustrations!

    As to the song, you have to meet its inspiration, evil adoption lawyer Aaron Britvan, to get the full effect. Yes, sad but true.

    I love doing song parodies…Weird Al is my god!!

  3. The series from Hallmark is an online series and has been going on for some time. They honor adoption even further by featuring on their website a 22 year old girl flaunting that she has “every intention” of giving her baby away to blood line sucking vampires EVEN though the father of that child wants the baby. Looks like we know one of the peices of the stock members of the NCFA owns!

  4. LMAO, that rabbit looks exactly like social workers do, all fanged and clawed, demonic and all. Looks like my AMother as well! What a warm and fuzzy bunny!

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