NATIONAL ADOPTION AWARENESS MONTH: LAWYER ROTTENTAIL–A SONG

Here it is more than half-way through National Adoption Awareness Month and Bastardette hasn’t even commented on this exciting celebration we hold dear to our hearts. I mean, how many other politically deprived classes get their own government sponsored month where they are told how lucky they to be disenfranchised? Only us bastards. And as a bonus we get a scolding (Bastardette, Nov. 20) from adoption hack Aaron Brivan! (Would African Americans be lectured by Strom Thurmond during Black History Month?–Oh never mind!)

The other day on BEST (the Bastard Nation list) we were discussing the erasure of “us” from “our” month when resident Bastard theologian Fr. Jack Sweely wrote:

> I saw a commercial last night for a new series to start soon on the
> Hallmark Channel. From what I gather it will highlight the warm fuzzies of
> adoption one story per week compete with the gurgling Gerber Baby and amom
> who “felt” her non-pregnancy pregnancy as she waited for “God’s gift.” My
> guess is this series will be about as close to representing the reality of
> adoption as is the Easter Bunnie representing Easter.

Now, not to mix holidays (or is that metaphors?), but resident bmom poet and sometime lyricist, Mary Ann Cohen responded that our month simply needed a theme song to get us rolling, and proceeded to furnish us with one–gratis. And a highly appropriate one it is, in view of Britvan’s attack on adoptees

(To the tune of “Peter Cottontail”)

LAWYER ROTTENTAIL

Here comes Lawyer Rottentail
Hopping down the Bastard trail
Hippity Hoppity ‘doption’s on its way

Selling every girl and boy
To folks who can pay with joy
Money back if your kid grows up gay.

There’s a brand new name for Johnny
A new ethnic group for Sue
And their OBC is sealed so tight
That they’ll never have a clue! Oh….

Here comes Lawyer Rottentail
Hopping down the Bastard trail
Hippity Hoppity ‘doption’s on its way

Every kid’s a grateful soul
Fits right into his new role
Never, ever asks from whence he came

There’s a picket fence and pony,
And the sky is always blue
God drops babies down from Heaven
We SWEAR that this is true! Oh…..

Here comes Lawyer Rottentail
Hopping down the Bastard trail
Hippity Hoppity ‘doption’s on its way