Maybe you’ve seen this. It’s making its way around adoption forums. But for those who have missed it, check out Rebecca Marina’s How to Get Your Baby Quicker. (Click before reading further!)

This is not The Onion. This is serious stuff. This is about “visioning” the baybee YOU want.” Perhaps “visioning” a ’68 Mustang or a Mediterranean villa will substitute for those of us who wish to remain baybeeless. Or in the case of bastards, their obcs.

If this were just about acquisional “visioning” I’d ignore it. Been there. Done that. But this site is weird. It sucks you in like an Orek infomercial.

Especially “What About the Birthmother” where we are told:

Remember this, your baby may come through another womb to get to you and your baby LOVES that womb and chose that women to bear them.

it is important to bless and honor the womb that brings you your baby…your baby sure does….

The babies tell me it is vital that someone who is waiting for adoption release completely all judgment of the woman whatever her reasons are.

Does this mean that bastards are like those people who drive all over Colorado for 3 hours looking for Pike’s Peak rather than ask directions at the BP station? Do bastard baybees really float and bob in the ether looking for any old open womb to fly into that will eventually transport them to the white picket compound for which they were intended all along? After reading the Quicker Baby page I can almost forgive Rosie O’Donnell for her “god put you in the wrong tummy” remark. Its one thing for God to be distracted by Britney Spears or Iraq and stick baybees in a trailer park or The Maury Show. Quite another if bastards are so dumb that they can’t go from from Point A to Point B without getting lost. It’s all our fault.

And what to make of my family? My first mother “relinquished” me and later adopted 2 kids. I’m surprised any of us can pat our heads and rub our stomachs at the same time.

I can’t remember reading an adoptablog or website this funny, intentional or not, for years. The comments following “What About the Birthmother” are even better than the original post, ranging from pure outrage to remarks like:

Saints Preserve us… Yet another religion…that of ‘Womb Worship’!! What’s next ‘Kidney Worship’, ‘Liver Worship’, ‘Lung Worship’ or maybe even ‘Heart Worship’?? Honor/Worship ‘Wombs’… what planet in the universe have you just arrived from? Wombtonia? (Sandy Young)

Someone has been eating some of those funny mushrooms or smoking something weird. Listen, you juiceless stick…I am not a womb…I am a MOTHER and a WOMAN!!!! (Paging System)

It makes me vomit to think of some creep “honoring” my womb. ( Leprechaun)

Perversely, we are not told to honor the penis.

It comforting to think that Ms Rebecca is on crack or a skit writer for SNL, but she’s not. There are people out there who really think like this. Maybe it makes them feel better. I’m pretty sure neither of my moms did.


  1. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, I think infertility causes serious mental health effects on some women and men. It drives them to extreme measures to fullfill … a dream. Unhealthy wacked out stuff. Its such a profound sense of entitlement and selfish thinking really. We all endured the pain and violations that we have for “them.”


  2. OMG, when I saw this sight I thought of you and nearly forwarded it on to you! The comments are hysterical – loved ’em!

    Talk about tomb raiders – I think womb raiders are far worse!

  3. Perversely, we are not told to honor the penis.

    Ummmm I have been of that sect for along time “Womb Worship ” not so much penis honoring well more than a decent man would admit to…………

  4. Sick, sick, sick!!! Here is my comment posted on the thread “what sort of classes will be offered”:

    I did not “bring forth a baby in the physical” even though I surredered him because I was offered no other resources in 1968. I am his mother., perhaps now called “birthmother” or “first mother, but a mother forever, not a womb, no matter what I am called. I was not just a vessel or womb to provide some other woman with a child. His genes, his heritage, much of who he is in spite of adoption, comes from me and his natural father. I will love him forever, that is much more than just physical and I am more than a womb or physical carrier.

    The woman who became his adoptive mother was mentally ill, abusive, agoraphobic, paranoid and a liar. He has no connection or communication with her now as an adult. I find it impossible to believe, and disgusting, to think that he “chose” her before birth, and “chose” to be surrendered by me. Talk about blaming the victim!

    Adoption has its place, yes, for children who truly need other homes. Sometimes it is a lesser evil given the circumstances of the natural mother and family, but it is never the “choice” of the child.

    Your fanatasies of babies choosing their parents are narcissistic and sickening. Try living in the real world, where wishing does not make it so and no mother is just a womb or conduit to another woman’s wish for a child.

  5. Funny, funny, funny!
    comment from “Baloney”:

    Dear Deli,

    Today I honored the salami that was eaten in my stead at a catered affair last week. I meditated, sent him lots of good energy and lit a Lil Tykes plastic pig that some kid dropped on the deli floor. The plastic smelled terrible as it burned, but the spirit of the pig told me it has made a contract with me to set it on fire before we both were born.

    Bon Appetit!!

    Posted by: Baloney | Oct 28, 2007 10:28:19 AM

  6. “Remember, if you want a baby, that means a baby has already chosen you.” And trauma. And genealogical bewilderment. Just like some babies choose Munchausen’s by proxy mommies.

    We really ARE dumb, huh? (-:

  7. WTF, I thought, is a “hermetic astrologer”, thinking back to the old Johnny Carson line about questions hermetically sealed in a Mason jar.

    Fool that I am, I looked it up. I still don’t get it.


    by Jeannine

    WE INVENTED THIS TERM to marry the hermetic / maiutic process with astrology. Readings are like births, with the astrologer being the midwife to draw out the soul of the native: An imaginal approach where myth, metaphor and story are honored.

    by Rico

    The Hermetic tradition takes its name from Hermes Trismegistus as you probably know and this harkens back to the Egyptian Thoth, the person and divinity. In my master’s thesis at California State Univ. Sonoma entitled HERMES:LOGOS OF PSYCHE, which was written for a degree in archetypal psychology, I show the connections back in this direction (considered by scholars to be based on a false assumption) and through the Greek Hermes and Roman Mercury up to the hermeneutics of Martin Heidegger. You probably know that the myths of Hermes are very rich and suggestive of trickery, seduction, midwifery (his mother Maia where Socrates gets his maiutic method), trade, delivering the messages, etc., etc. The overall mode of Psyche-logical interpretation (related also to phenomenology) that gives value to multiperspectives is home for Hermes. Astrology, for many reasons is an hermetic art and with alchemy were ruled by Hermes to the extent that they are seen as coyote story and magical (in the sense of magus/imagery). If you are interested in this approach, see our book, CONSCIOUS CONCEPTION: ELEMENTAL JOURNEY THROUGH THE LABYRINTH OF SEXUALITY, where we present more on this connection and the relations to the deep ecology of human fertility

  8. Thank you, J, for your diligent research into hermetic astrology. I shall certainly design my life from now on with its precepts–and I trust you and all of Bastardette’s readers will, too.

  9. Personally I prefer “hermitic astrology”, where you climb up the big mountain to the hermit’s cave to have your fortune told. When you get there you see this little man strangely resembling Mel Brooks, but with a long white beard.Since his cave lacks indoor plumbing, the hermitic, ummm……aura….is quite strong. First you cross his palm with silver ( and none of those fake silver US coins, the real deal!) then you ask,”What’s it all mean, Mr.Natural?” and he replies, “It don’t mean shit….!”
    and kicks you back down the mountain. Then he prepares for the next sucker, er, I mean “seeker”.

  10. Marley,
    I think you may have misattributed the responses from the comments section because if the unfathomable way on Wendy Womb Worship has formatted that section of her blog.

    The “Wombtonia” remark actually came from Christine, “Juiceless Stick” from Baby Maker, and “It makes me vomit” from Anonymous.

    While Kenneth appreciated Baloney’s thought, my personal favorites were THE Goddess’ “Honey, you can kiss my ass”, ELESSDEE’s
    “You may not be the brightest crayon in the box, but you certainly are the most pyschedelic” and Blaspheming Zeus’ “Someone please tell Astarte here to shut her pie hole.”

    Taste is so subjective…

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