Maybe you’ve seen this. It’s making its way around adoption forums. But for those who have missed it, check out Rebecca Marina’s How to Get Your Baby Quicker. (Click before reading further!)
This is not The Onion. This is serious stuff. This is about “visioning” the baybee YOU want.” Perhaps “visioning” a ’68 Mustang or a Mediterranean villa will substitute for those of us who wish to remain baybeeless. Or in the case of bastards, their obcs.
If this were just about acquisional “visioning” I’d ignore it. Been there. Done that. But this site is weird. It sucks you in like an Orek infomercial.
Especially “What About the Birthmother” where we are told:
Remember this, your baby may come through another womb to get to you and your baby LOVES that womb and chose that women to bear them.
it is important to bless and honor the womb that brings you your baby…your baby sure does….
The babies tell me it is vital that someone who is waiting for adoption release completely all judgment of the woman whatever her reasons are.
MS REBECCA GIVES THE TERM ‘DUMB BASTARD’ A WHOLE NEW MEANING
Does this mean that bastards are like those people who drive all over Colorado for 3 hours looking for Pike’s Peak rather than ask directions at the BP station? Do bastard baybees really float and bob in the ether looking for any old open womb to fly into that will eventually transport them to the white picket compound for which they were intended all along? After reading the Quicker Baby page I can almost forgive Rosie O’Donnell for her “god put you in the wrong tummy” remark. Its one thing for God to be distracted by Britney Spears or Iraq and stick baybees in a trailer park or The Maury Show. Quite another if bastards are so dumb that they can’t go from from Point A to Point B without getting lost. It’s all our fault.
And what to make of my family? My first mother “relinquished” me and later adopted 2 kids. I’m surprised any of us can pat our heads and rub our stomachs at the same time.
I can’t remember reading an adoptablog or website this funny, intentional or not, for years. The comments following “What About the Birthmother” are even better than the original post, ranging from pure outrage to remarks like:
Saints Preserve us… Yet another religion…that of ‘Womb Worship’!! What’s next ‘Kidney Worship’, ‘Liver Worship’, ‘Lung Worship’ or maybe even ‘Heart Worship’?? Honor/Worship ‘Wombs’… what planet in the universe have you just arrived from? Wombtonia? (Sandy Young)
Someone has been eating some of those funny mushrooms or smoking something weird. Listen, you juiceless stick…I am not a womb…I am a MOTHER and a WOMAN!!!! (Paging System)
It makes me vomit to think of some creep “honoring” my womb. ( Leprechaun)
Perversely, we are not told to honor the penis.
It comforting to think that Ms Rebecca is on crack or a skit writer for SNL, but she’s not. There are people out there who really think like this. Maybe it makes them feel better. I’m pretty sure neither of my moms did.