You have only a few more hours to put in your bids for the National Council for Adoption’s Stay at Home Gala silent online auction. All proceeds will go to, in NCFA’s words, “help children find loving, permanent families!”

I know for a fact that they are serious about this. Dr. Pierce once assured Bastardette that if she were left on his doorstep he would find her a permanent and loving home quickly. Unfortunately, his wife might object if it were theirs, but he’d contact the proper authorities at once and make sure she’d be settled with her forever family within hours of drop-off. Since this was back in the Bush years, I think I might have ended up in the White House challenging the Bush Twins to the real meaning of life: rearing a helpless rejected, potentially dumpserized, bastard of secret origins or falling down dead drunk at Toad’s.

But enough of that! Place your bids now! While Bastardette is too busy to take the trip to Villa Bella Vita, she’s is never too busy to wear a diamond sapphire necklace. Feel free to bid in my name. Oh, and don’t worry about paying for it. As bastards you just take the necklace and run.

I have to wonder, though, just how serious NCFA is about its fundraising.

When the auction was announced Bastard Nation offered a special lifetime BN membership package (includes a special sealing of the winner’s birth certificate and all identity documents, a custom-made amended birth certificate replacement, and dinner at the Tee-Jay’s with a dozen angry adoptees of Bastardette’s choosing.) Opening bid: $50.000.

Chuck (Gomer) Johnson, acting president of NCFA rejected our generous offer. Johnson claimed that our donation might set off a vicious bidding war amongst long-time donors wishing to rid themselves of the shame of sealed records, identity stealing, and baby snatching. The entire organization, in fact, might go belly-up if donors actually thought about what they promote.

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