On August 3, 2005, The Daily Bastardette published “Forever Family – Forever Dead: A Memoriam to Russian Adoptees Murdered by their Forever Families.” Since then, that entry and my other pieces on abused and murdered Russian adoptees in the United States, I have received hundreds if not thousands of hits from the US Government, courts, child welfare agencies, the media, Russia and other countries of the Former Soviet Union, and the general public. To make it easier for these pieces to be found and read together in one place, I have collected all the entries here: Nikto Ne Zabyt – Nichto Ne Zabyto – Nobody is Forgotten – Nothing is Forgotten.
My entries on Masha Allen adopted by a divorced male pedophile, staved and sexually abused for years before her rescue by the FBI, are also here. Though freed from her Forever Father, she remains victim of the adoption industry and a blind and silent child welfare system that wants her to go away You see, Masha has talked too much She lifted up the rock. She is the Rosetta Stone of corrupt international adoption. Masha, too, must be remembered for the brave and beautiful girl she is–and to be encouraged to keep fighting. Masha, you are not alone!
The words “nobody is forgotten – nothing is forgotten” were written by Russian poet Olga Berggolts, a survivor of Stalin’s purges and the Siege of Leningrad. They are carved in the wall of Piskaryevskoye Memorial Cemetery in St. Petersburg.
My Russian pieces will remain on The Daily Bastardette but also posted on Nikto Ne Zabyt – Nichto Ne Zabyto
Thank you Bastardette
I will blog this at The Baby Scoop Era Blog,
And that you! Kidnap! I’m working on a new Russian blog that may be up tomorrow. BTW, I’m linking you here.
I just blogged your wonderful and tragic Memoriam Site.
I’ll be sure to check back tomorrow for the new Russian site as well.
Marley, I am linking your new site to mine. People, wake up and read!!
:.( Do we know yet if the little boy’s family has been notified? I would love to see a story in the US news about their reaction. This woman’s plea deal still rankles.
Robin–I found the Emelyantsev case covered in The Moscow Times, St. Petersburg Times and Russia Today I don’t see it in the English language edition of Pravda. But since it hit the English-language press and those papers are also published in Russian Kolya’s parents must know. I hope they didn’t have to learn about it reading the paper. Unfortunately, they don’t get mentioned.
Typical of adoption and its victims.
“Kolya’s parents must know. I hope they didn’t have to learn about it reading the paper. Unfortunately, they don’t get mentioned”
A better life..in USA..right…
ps just one more child expended in the grand scheme of adoption, forever dead, forever
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Well, as long as capitalism and adoption walk hand-in-hand, this kind of thing will continue. Babies are products FOR SALE whether anyone wants to admit that or not. You think that’s bad, just imagine if the libertarians ever assumed power. Then people could sell their babies up front (on eBay, yard sales, wherever) without the artifice of an adoption agency. Adoption makes money because slick hucksters from marketing agencies convince people they NEED a child. So they can run around like the rest of the narcissitic asswipes looking for “instant clones” with “My child is blah-blah” stickers on their SUVs. The clowns and assholes selling lead-painted toys from China, shitty designer clothes for kids that make 5 year old girls look like whores, and various “educational programs” that result in high schoolers who can’t spell all NEED people to buy into the bullshit that they MUST have a child. Or two. Or three. And if they can’t have one as per SOP, then they must look to the market to solve the problem (as the capitalists so remind us always—that the Magical Mystery Market will solve ALLLLL the worlds problems if we just give it a chance.) Shit, what an absurd charade. People conned into “needing” kids just so some pinstripe suited assholes can make their 50% margin of profit on useless junk.
So, there’s your answer. It’s business as usual. What, one got killed? Yeah, well, maybe that wasn’t in the owner’s manual, but capitalism never gave a shit about such deaths in the first place. They’d be making biofuel out of those kids if they could get away with it and make at least 20% ROI.
This is so beautiful and important,Marley. I love the graphics using Icons. What a fitting and dignified tribute to those poor murdered Russian children. I hope it leads to more investigation of corruption in international adoption. You are a candidate for Russian Orthodox sainthood:-)
Thanks Maryanne. If the late Tsar and his family–particularly the odious German woman–can be saints so can I. I always give money to the 103 year old nuns at the Lavra in St Petersburg. They’re amazingly scary. Serious black nun garb embroidered with skulls and crossbones.If you don’t give them money they’ll put a curse on you.
But seriously, I think there is a concerted effort to keep this stuff down. The cases get a lot of play in the local press wherever a death happens (though not much has been written in Utah) but not nationally I guess it’s bad for business. The Russian press picks up on a lot of it. What’s interesting is that something like 1200 Russian adoptees adopted in Russia have been murdered by their forever families as well. And that–they don’t talk about.
I continue to be in awe of you and your courage in exposing all that is so very very wrong in adoption. You are saving children all over the world through your words. Keep fighting the good fight!
If only we had a magic “change the government attitude” wand that we could wave and mothers and families would immediately receive aid and counseling and all they needed to keep their children in their family of origin. This sometimes seems like such an impossible situation when you look at the scope of the problem, in every country. Right now, I think of us as water over rocks, slowly wearing them down. I hope….
Thanks, Maggie! This really need to be documented and accessible to the public. I set up a separate blog on it since I get so many hits on this subject and I want to make it as easy as possible for information to be found.
Robin–Other countries habe made huge changes in adoption policy. Ireland and Austrailia come to mind. And of course the adoption rate in Western Europe has plummeted due to easy access to contraception and abortion, and social welfare programs. Baby abandonment in those countries continues to be a problem, but those who illegally or legally abandon almost always do so for cultural reasons (many are middle eastern immigrants and workers), and I don’t know what to do about that. I doubt if shame, real or constructed, will ever go away.
Kevan, it’s business as usual, for sure, but there’s more going on that that. I’ll skip the US pediacentric culture for another day. But….adoption in the US is a hybrid of capitalism and socialism. Capital runs the business, but socialism runs the theory.
Adoption, as practiced today is an outgrowth of Progressive Era ideas in no special order: eugenics, social engineering through social welfare, bourgeois feminism, the centralized state, the therapeutic state, and the rise of managerial class. Adoption is a form of utopianism and globalism that fits in nicely with current neocon and neolib politics. The engine that runs the Iraq War (and the War on Terror, the War on Drugs, TSA, the obsession with spreading “democracy” around the world, etc.) is the same engine that runs adoption And it’s all tangled in mythology.
I’ve never seen anyone address adoption in these terms before: a marriage of capitalism fueled by socialism. I should write about it, but the task seems so daunting with gazillions of reading in history sociology, politics.
But…scratch a professional adoptionist, no matter what their “politics” and you’ll find a Trotskyite. Utopianism, globalism, the permanent revolution. The only way to stop this is to smash the managerial state.
Heck, I entered into this as a capitalist (had the cash for two – ha ha) and figured I was helping the social welfare of the xCommunist countries out.
What did I know!
Seriously, it’s slowly coming around. Many reading in 2008 may be unaware of what I.A. was like in 1999 when we started our “adoption journey” (I now shudder at that term). I.A. in 1999 was full of “of course you’ll get your baby! everybody is getting a baby!”
What I’m seeing happening in the trenches is AParents starting to get ticked. Not all of us I.A. adopters have their blinders on.
“I always give money to the 103 year old nuns at the Lavra in St Petersburg. They’re amazingly scary. Serious black nun garb embroidered with skulls and crossbones.If you don’t give them money they’ll put a curse on you”.
Are you serious? Weird, because I am writng a blog right now about a nun-Mother Angelia, what a coincedence-I wonder if we are related Marley, lol.
“Right now, I think of us as water over rocks, slowly wearing them down. I hope”….
We’ve got to find a way to become acid Robin..
I agree to that, Improper and Marley. I just woner how you “reform” what has basically become a flesh trade.
And I know a few “good beemommies,” grateful adoptees and entitled adopters that think I am already acidic enough. LOL
I know that there have been great strides in other nations. I just don’t think that the US will come around as quickly and as efectively. We are covered in bureauocracy and our ultra-pious, puritanical heritage is strong.
Some other senior mothers and I are thinking of chaining ourselves to the White House fence. Hey…it got women the vote after a stint for those ladies in bedlam.
Picture that…a bunch of grey-haired grannies being carted off by police..LOL. I’d even take my teeth out for the picture.
Actually, we are thinking of doing some grass-roots protesting. It worked for NZ and Oz. ;o)
What’s a “beemommie” Robin?
And alot of people say that Sherrie Eldrige was paid off by the NCFA, or maybe she just dropped too much acid in high school..GR protesting is a good idea, more adoptees should do that too, We should make up pamplets with Ann’s book tittle on them along with links to websites that tell the terrible truth about adoption, both open and closed and leave them all over. I know this is hard because everytime we speak out they end up shouter louder but there are ways we can make them look like the liars they are.
Leggies don’t care. Read the latest experience in Ohio here. NCFA really isn’t the problem. It’s the anti-aborts and the liberals wh can’t keep their fingers out of women’s crotches. In Ohio ORTL had a headlock on legislation on anything it cares to say is their business. The only way to win this is to start kicking people out of office. Target key people and get them unelected. Nobody will listen to you until you’ve got clout.
I agree the only way we as mother’s and adoptee’s are going to get anything done..is to kick their asses out of government.
the lobbyists are BIG problems such BIG problems in this country that THEY are selling US Americans out!
yesterday I heard that a legislature was voted out because of his hard line attitude in “Utah”!!!!
seems the people are starting to react because they see the problems and the problems are those who have been bought and paid for by the adoption industry…..
This is very interesting information. I think by making this available you have done a great service to huge numbers of people.
Still though,what I come back to is that this problem wouldn’t exist if Russia wasn’t such a f*cked up place. The adoption industry may be buying these kids and selling them to miserable excuses for families in many cases. However, it couldn’t happen if everything in the FSU wasn’t for sale. I imagine most of these kids are not kidnapped. They probably are abandoned and living in substandard institutions. They might not be killed, but they’d have a pretty bleak future in the FSU.
I don’t know how you change such a loser country. I never thought I hear myself say this, but maybe those former communist leaders knew what they were doing.
It really does make you sick, but the adoption industry only deserves part of the blame.
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Hi Improper. A “good beemommie” is one that is sooooo happy that they “made the right decision for their child” and that kowtow to the adopters for crumbs and continue to live in the fantasy. Most of us who disagree with that concept also hate the term “birth”mother, hence, “beemommie.” Another term you might hear us moms use referring to those good beemommies is “barfmuggle.” We’re getting creative in our old age. *wink
To me, the good old US of A is one of the most f***ed-up places on the planet. Russia is still struggling for a new national identity, so give them time.
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Yeah okay, I get it Robin-I get it too well actually as I have just been slaughtered on my space by a new generation of “beemommie” via open adoption by critizing a nauseating poem she wrote and posted in a group-I found the poem insulting to all adoptees and BSE Mothers-actually, I would like you to read it and tell me what you think-I hope it is okay with Marley to post it in here-I was planning to write a blog about it so it will be on mine sometime soon, as I am not going back to myspace atm or maybe never, because this hacking AMother in this group too has gotten me deleted four times-anyway, here it is:
April 18, 2005
The happiest day of my whole life
A baby girl born to me
Isabella Faith McKendry
Your name is changed now to Voss
Rightfully so, but I feel loss
For my child that I had that day
For my heart that’s kept at bay
My Mind was in control that day
I gave birth, yes indeed
But I went home empty-handedly
Crying out loud for the world to hear
My pain, my sorrow, and my fear
Even God will agree
I did not run, I did not flee
I did what I thought was right
And gave you up, feeling contrite
It took all of me to walk away
All of me not to stay
I wanted you to be my own
I wanted wrongly to take you home
I knew better, I knew the way
And with them is where you stay
They’ll do a better job than me
They’ll raise you right and one day you’ll see
I love you so much and I pray
They’ve told you each and every day
You are loved and wanted by me
Things just weren’t right for me
To raise you up and make a home
To teach you things like right from wrong
I was not ready; ill prepared
Maybe even a little scared
That doesn’t mean I did not want
And my decision sometimes haunts
My heart and soul that one day
You might come to me and say;
“Why didn’t you love me enough to try?
Sometimes at night I laid and cried
Didn’t you want me and love me so
To keep me with you and help me grow?
What did I do to be tossed away?
Why didn’t you love me enough to stay?”
Please know that, you were not a mistake
And every night how my heart breaks
At the thought of you one day thinking these things
And the heartache that these thoughts might bring
They are not true, I will not lie
I do want and need you in my life
I couldn’t raise you, and they could
Being with them is nothing but good
I did not toss you aside, or give you away
I placed you with them in trust that they
Would make sure to tell you of my love for you
Would make sure to hug you and kiss your boo boo’s
To give you the life I couldn’t provide
To give you their love each day of your life
My love for you is why I made this choice
I’m writing this so you’ll hear my voice
The one that screamed in my head that day
Don’t let her go! Don’t walk away!
To close, my love, I need to say
I think if you each and every day
Though I’m not a constant in your days
You are in mine, come what may
Love Your Birthmother,
Lisa-Marie Rose McKendry
It is obvious to me by saying things like “rightfully so” she has no regrets at all about placing her child and this whole poem is just some PR advertising campaign for Open Adoption-I think she is in the industry-I will add as well, that instead of being out there working she is online all day and has posted this poem in alot of myspace groups-she told me she couldn’t keep her baby because she lives with her sick mother in her house (for free) and has to take care of her-well, she sure seems to have all the time in the world to troll on the interent instead of changing diapers…
Robin, I may not of read your answer to me right-beemommie means birthmother, correct?
Yep, that’s right Hon and that is as close as I will ever come to using that term to refer to natural mothers. Just my feelings.
Too bad so much energy is wasted in outrage over what we call ourselves or each other. I have no problem with the term “birthmother” so I use it to describe myself and other mothers who have surrendered a child. I have no problem with others preferring to use other terms, like “natural mother” or “first mother” or just “mother” where it is clearly understood which mother you are referring to. Live and let live. I believe adoptive mothers are mothers as well, just as “real” but in a different way from birthmothers.
Why is this such a big deal for some people? I’ve read all the writings trying to explain why “birthmother” is such an evil word it can’t even be written of spoken or heads explode, but I still do not get it.
It is time to move on to more important issues like those Marley keeps raising here. Just my opinion of course, which I am just as entitled to as any other despite the language police.
Yours is a ridiculas post Anon, take it from a “bastard”. Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me…..trust me when I say, that was written by someone who mocked other people..yes, words DO mean something, because they reflect FEELINGS, whether good or bad towards another human being.. the term birth mother was coined to put distance between a real mother and her child-and to make her look as though she is nothing more than a vessel. She came, she gave birth, she went, this term undermines both mother and adoptee in the triad, while distorting the truth about adoptive “mothers” and making them unrealistically more important. Feel free, please to read my blog post about Adoption Hate Speech and since words don’t matter to you, I dare you to call African Americans “niggers” or jews “kikes”, we’ll see how far that gets you….
Improper Adoptee, your analogy breaks down because while “nigger” and “kike” are universally seen as words of derision and insult by all, the word “birthmother” is not seen as negative or insulting by most people outside of a small subset of radical birthmothers and adoptees. Most people, including most adoption reformers including mothers who have surrendered, see it as a neutral term. You can’t insult someone with a term they do not find insulting.
When I surrendered in the late 60s I was not called a birthmother, and never heard the word until years later. I was called a natural mother, but that did not mean that I or other women who surrendered during that era were treated well at all. In fact that greatest number of surrenders happened before the word “birthmother was heard of in common usage, and treatment we got was usually coercive and cruel, despite the “more correct” language.
It isn’t the words that matter, it is the attitude and intent.
“”It isn’t the words that matter, it is the attitude and intent.””
I sincerely doubt that the current presidential campaign stragedists would agree with you. Language/Words shape societies, cultures and politics, yesterday, today and far into the future.
In my line of work, I am up close and personal with a segment of federal government language… and I will swear they have linguists on the payroll to intentionally dissuade, confuse and basically frustrate the living hell out of the average American citizen. Language in my line of work is EVERYTHING. Problem is I have to dissect ‘government’ language and reinterpret to the language of the common folk.
To use your statement that I quoted above…..then I can call someone a moron or an idiot, so long as my ‘attitude’ is pleasant and my ‘intent’ is not to insult?? Afterall ‘moron/idiot’ are just words that have no value…and my ‘attitude’ and ‘intent’ is completely above board and of no ill will.
Once again, you are making an analogy to words universally accepted as insult, “moron” and “idiot”, which the word “birthmother” is not. Only a small subgroup of women who surrendered a child consider the word “birthmother” an insult. To most people it is a neutral descriptive term, as are “adoptive mother” or “adopted person.”
It is as if your little group decided the term “left-handed” were perjorative, and flew into a fit whenever someone was described as left handed. Most people would just be puzzled at why you took offense at a term most people accept as just descriptive. See, calling a left-handed person left-handed is not the same as calling them a moron, idiot, or any number of ethnic slurs and vulgarities that are unambigously insulting.
If you find the word birthmother insulting, don’t use it, but don’t try to force others not to use it if they do not find it offensive.
“”If you find the word birthmother insulting, don’t use it, but don’t try to force others not to use it if they do not find it offensive.””
Dear Anonymous, or is that Maryanne the Birthmother or is it Birth Mother…
Get off your high-horse. I imagine that ‘horse’s’ back is really tired by now. And find a new argument, your tired old ‘argument’, is just that, tired and old.
Why yes, it IS me, maryanne the birthmother, first mother, natural mother,mother who surrendered, and just plain mother. All the words fit, none of them insult.
The insult is in your mind, not in the words.