If we weren’t already aware of the moral bankruptcy of Massachusetts politicians, we certainly are now. According to a phone conversation I had Thursday with a clerk at the Joint Committee on Children, Families and Persons with Disabilities, Committee, the committee in executive session, voted unanimously on Wednesday a DO PASS on SB 63 and SB 77. Translation: Massachusetts adoptees are screwed.

For late comers, this is what these bills will do to Massachusetts adoptees:

(1) Adopted persons 18 years of age or older born in the commonwealth on or before July 17, 1974 or on or after January 1, 2008 or an adoptive parent of an adopted person under 18 years of age and born in the commonwealth on or after January 1, 2008 will be “allowed” unrestricted access to the original birth certificate.

(2) Adopted persons born in Massachusetts between those dates will not be “allowed” access their original birth certificates without a court order as under current law.

So, if you’re a Massachusetts adoptee between the ages of 0 (not born yet this year) and 34 forget it! You’re a non-person as far as politicians are concerned. Ironically, less than two years ago, many of these same Committee members, who now think you belong on an adoptee blacklist, supposedly supported your right to full unconditional, unrestricted access to your own original birth certificates.

It’s a good thing these hoo-hahs weren’t around earlier…say during woman suffrage.

Sure, we think all women should have the right to vote– just like real people…er…I mean men. Even though your voting rights were a “no-brainer,” and we were ready to give you the universal franchise a couple years ago, we’ve come to our senses. For reasons we discuss only with the Cabots, the Lodges, and God, we’ve decided that only some women deserve the right to vote. Sorry, but we can’t betray those men who sincerely believe that we (that is, our alter ego the state) promised them, between certain arbitrary dates, a perpetual male-only franchise–even though we promised no such thing and nobody, not even the National Council for the Suppression of the Female Franchise, has ever provided one single document or other proof that we ever made such a promise. Nonetheless, we (that is, our alter ego the state) owe it to men to protect them from the speculative and potential harm caused to them by women at the polls.

Give women the right to vote and soon they’ll be running for office. The disruption women in office (not to mention the workplace and public restrooms) would cause the family is too horrifying to contemplate. If we let women vote, they may someday even have uppity children they put up for adoption who later will demand their own birth certificates!

But, we’re also nice people. We don’t want to be unfair. Some of our best friends and even our wives are women. We’ve worked out a compromise with a small group of compliant reformers, willing to take sloppy seconds, who believe that men know what’s best for women. This deal should please everyone but the most radical dysfunctional bloomer girl (or hyper suit-wearing misognyist).

We’ll give women born before 1886 and after 1919 the right to vote. Women born between those years…well sorry dear. You’ll just have to deal with it. If you’re really obsessed with your right to vote, just get your husband, father, brother, or other male relative to give his written consent for you to claim your voting right, and we’ll gladly escort you into the voting booth. We’ll even hold your delicate hand as you mark your X. If your male relatives are uncooperative, dead, or don’t exist, you can always go downtown and get a court order to grant you your very own personal right to vote for “good cause.” What’s “good cause” you say? Details! Details! Let the judge sort it out. He’s a man.

Trust me, ladies. We feel your pain. Maybe we’ll come back in 40 years when most of you are dead and pick up whoever is left. Jack Kennedy will probably need some help in 1960.


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