After decades of frustration, begging, pleading, demanding, threatening, theft, blackmail, political agitation, and ax throwing, I finally got my original birth certificate today!

And, as Bastardette always knew deep in her heart, she is of royal blood. A Romanoff, to be exact!

And born in Kenya!

Now that might seem a little far-fetched to those of little imagination, but it’s true.

After I received my original Kenyan birth certificate today, I did a quick Internet search and found this picture of my my aunts, my grandfather, and my father, as a boy, (above) summering at their Lake Victoria palace. Although this picture was taken years before my birth, I now know for a fact that Bastardette was hovering in the clouds looking for an unobtrusive way to channel my way into the Russian royalty. I have yet to learn how and when my father (who I you assure was not murdered by the Commies in 1918 as reported) met and married Sylvia Plath, but my birth certificate says it’s so it must be true!

Don’t believe me? Here’s my obc that proves I am who I say I am. Don’t concern yourself with the “certified fake” seal. That’s just a precaution to stop Internet birth certificate abuse.

Since I know you’d all prefer to stay home cooking or playing with your cats rather than wasting your time banging on the door of your local vital stats office demanding YOUR obc, I’m sharing the secret with you. Go here, fill in a simple form, and VOILA all your problems are solved.

It’s quick!

It’s easy!

It’s free!

It’s fun!

In fact, it’s like being your very own adoption agency.

Do it!

Then let Bastardette (that’s HIH Bastardette to you) know the family secrets the state has tried to hide from you.


  1. I knew it Marley, I see the family resemblance, especially in the fur stoles:-) Even though you can’t president of the US, Czarina of all the Russians is really much classier.

  2. This revelation should make things a lot easier. Since Obama has been busy appointing Czars, he can appoint me OBC Czarina/ As the resident obc autocrat I’ll order anyone’s obc sent out on request.

  3. I always suspected that you had genes of the “Rich and Famous”!

    I probably should have requested my OBC via you. Instead I was born in IL, where the governors make license plates. But at least some do remember it as the “Land of Lincoln” although they sometimes mention Al Capone too.

  4. Bastardettte is thrilled that DH can now prove his true lineage. It is very difficult in the US for we royals to take our rightful place in society when we have to deal with interloper basketball players, models, and realty show stars. DH’s Kenyan obc guarantees him a place at the table.

  5. Thought you may be interested to know how there has been no fuss here in the UK, away from the adoption industry, over the Orphan film. I like to think that Barak Obama will listen…

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *